Which one or two segments represent the BEST targets for this particular company going forward?

Have to fix these things on the paper

A few comments (most fairly general in nature):
An “Executive Summary” should contain a brief summary of the situation and most importantly summarize your specific recommendations for future company growth. You don’t need the first sentence of the Executive Summary – focus on the situation and recommendations, i.e. mention what they are in this section. (It is standard to write this last)
In terms of competition (consumer value), I think the mortgage industry is mainly price competition. So, you might want to discuss a little more about their main source of value, i.e., HOW they have successfully been able to compete. Is it mainly a price advantage? Another source of value?
Perhaps the most important component of a Marketing Plan Report should be a thorough SWOT analysis. Your marketing strategy and tactical recommendations should be derived from this SWOT analysis. Think quite a bit about threats and opportunities – how can these be used as a set of future recommendations for the company? In other words, which of the SWOT components can be leveraged or minimized for future growth?
Targeting: Which one or two segments represent the BEST targets for this particular company going forward? If the target is 30 to 70 year olds then positioning will be difficult (the more broad the target market, the more difficult the positioning). This through who represents their best customers (demographics, geographics, etc.).
At the end of the report, focus on what your specific recommendations are for future growth. This (along with the SWOT Analysis) is the most important component of a marketing plan. So, discussion of the Marketing Mix can be rolled into your recommendations (i.e., can you change price? Distribution? Promotion? etc. to help the company grow?). You have some nice recommendations now – just expand on these a little bit.
In Summary: A Marketing Plan is a blueprint for the future of the company, so make sure it reads like a set of recommendations based on your analysis and not a retrospective report on a local company. Any recommendations should be based off of the earlier components of the report (specifically the SWOT analysis)

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