Advocacy Project on Virtual learning

i already have a rough draft with ideas and 2000 words + multiple sources already used. I just need a final version of this project with a few more sources and I need you to address my teachers comments. This project is about proposing a solution to the problem of grades falling once we went to virtual learning. I have attached the current draft which you can work off of.

This is what my teacher had to say about it:
“You’ve got a lot of great stuff here. A couple things: aim for a more formal (less conversational) tone. At this point, you want to frame your solutions with your own argument and advocacy, rather than as “ideas” pitched by others. Presumably there’s no sports or bands if we’re in zoom school because of a pandemic, right? It’s not always clear in your writing whether this is a solution for the next pandemic, or something we should implement in-person, too. It’s contradictory when you say, at the beginning, that learning can’t be measured, but then on page 3 say that a study showed no difference in scores where students had a 4-day school week. At this point, I think your argument about a pass/ fail system could be stronger. At the end of the day, grades aren’t meant to measure how hard a student is trying; they measure how much a student can do. Can you make your argument another way, that acknowledges, say, the obstacle that American schoolchildren are already behind students in other countries? Likewise, I’m not sure it helps your argument to assume unrealistic things like that college should be an equal opportunity for everyone. Even if that’s how it should be, it’s absolutely not. It’s important to show how your solution could realistically be implemented.”

Please address those concerns and meet the minimum requirements.

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