Please revise the essay provided below. There are many edits that need to be done.This essay needs so much work
First of all the directions were not followed for the introduction, there was no mention about the civil war era you do talk about a few recent examples but I don’t like your headings they’re actually a little bit confusing and you don’t need one for the thesis statement at all. The thesis statement should be at the bottom of the introduction not it’s own thing
Now your thesis statement is entirely wrong. You’re coming at this from a very pro police stand point and because of that you are not actually doing into any real problems or details. In fact you are not giving me any details at all. Everything you are writing is very generalized, there are no specifics, there’s no data. The support from your resource is so generalized, that I’m not sure if it’s even correct. So this thing actually needs a lot of work .
And I am not sure if you are understanding the assignment very well
You are bringing up things that you never even mentioned in your thesis statement, they kind of contradict your other paragraph about how the police are having their hands tight and they’re limited and that the courts have made it impossible for them to do their jobs and the community. So its this contradiction of things. So this need a lot of revisions. It needs to be reworked. You need to bring in solid data, you need to have a clear path for what you are writing about. And at this stage you don’t have it
Needs a structured thesis, going to have to go back and get rid of a lot of things that do not work
Going to have to back and find some statistics, and some proper research to support the things that you are saying
Its going to take some time but you do have some foundations here that you can work with
This essay needs so much work
First of all the directions were not followed for the introduction, there was no mention about the civil war era you do talk about a few recent examples but I don’t like your headings they’re actually a little bit confusing and you don;t need one for the thesis statement at all. The thesis statement should be at the bottom of the introduction not it’s own thing
Now your thesis statement is entirely wrong. You’re coming at this from a very pro police stand point and because of that you are not actually doing into any real problems or details. In fact you are not giving me any details at all. Everything you are writing is very generalized, there are no specifics, there’s no data. The support from your resource is so generalized, that I’m not sure if it’s even correct. So this thing actually needs a lot of work .
And I am not sure if you are understanding the assignment very well
You are bringing up things that you never even mentioned in your thesis statement, they kind of contradict your other paragraph about how the police are having their hands tight and they’re limited and that the courts have made it impossible for them to do their jobs and the community. So its this contradiction of things. So this need a lot of revisions. It needs to be reworked. You need to bring in solid data, you need to have a clear path for what you are writing about. And at this stage you don’t have it
Needs a structured thesis, going to have to go back and get rid of a lot of things that do not work
Going to have to back and find some statistics, and some proper research to support the things that you are saying
Its going to take some time but you do have some foundations here that you can work with
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