When revising, focus on two key things: 1) identifying a specific action that you want to propose. Revise your thesis accordingly to propose that action (some kind of law or regulation banning private trade and/or sale of wild and exotic animals. Make sure you explain how it will be different than currently existing laws). Proposing the action(s) you want your audience to take/advocate for is your thesis. 2) Focus on organization. You can use a lot of the information you have but it will be much stronger if you more clearly put it into a problem-solution format, and doing so will also help you to see where you need more information and/or where you need to make changes.
For a policy speech, you will: You have two broad sections to your speech (though likely more than 2 main points). Section 1 sets up the problem, explaining what the problem is and why/how it is harmful. Provide clear, credible, concrete evidence showing that the problem both exists and is causing harm. Section 2 outlines the solution and explains why the solution is feasible (aka, both realistic and effective). You can find problem-solution information in the powerpoint slides on organization. You will need to include the 4 elements of a plan, which you can find in the policy solutions slides. I would recommend looking at policies and proposals that have been put forward by advocacy groups and researchers who are already doing work in areas related to your topic. Find one or more you like and think would be effective, and advocate for that (or combine a couple, if you prefer). Make sure you cite your sources, and give credit to the individual(s) and/or group(s), but there is no need to reinvent the wheel. In fact, advocating for a policy that already has momentum from an expert or a non-profit or advocacy group can lend you credibility.
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