I need my paper edited
i will drop the rubric and this was the comment left on my paper
“Hanna, typically in the problem statement you develop it a little bit more so far what you have almost looks more like an abstract. You bring up plenty of pretty good points on pages two and three. You don’t incorporate any research to support. It makes sense that different environmental conditions would affect people differently. But again, you have to build your claims off of Research or support the claims with research. What psychological effects on people’s mental health are caused by environmental degradation, particularly climate change, resource shortages, and air pollution? (consider: can be attributed to the effects of climate change?) 2. What coping mechanisms might be used to lessen the mental health effects of environmental degradation psychologically? 3. How may environmental deterioration’s psychological effects on mental health be mitigated? (This is pretty much the same as the 2nd question). 4. What policies and interventions can be put into place? You definitely have a decent sense of how to put the research into paragraphs for a literature review. This is pretty evident on Page Six. However, you do too much summary of the source without saying really what the important conclusions were. Also, you don’t put page numbers in parentheses to show where your summaries and paraphrases end. One kind of subtle thing that I notice in how you write is you preview like what you are going to talk about. This can work OK in some sections, but in the proposal statement it doesn’t sound right because in your methodology you’re not actually going to talk about it; instead what you’re going to do is you’re going to describe a plan to study it. So I didn’t get through your expected outcomes or additional considerations section. What I’ll focus on is the paragraph towards the bottom of I believe page eight. You talk about a method of holding informational meetings where people who live in areas affected by climate deterioration share their experiences. This could be a good method. However the earlier parts of your methodology section aren’t really anything beyond what you’re supposed to do in a literature review. My advice is that you take this method of interviews or surveys of individuals affected by climate deterioration, and have a more specific description of how you would do a methodology with this population. What I mean is how you would conduct surveys, what would your sample size be, how you would get access to them, where they are, and, more importantly, what specific survey or interview questions you would ask them that link climate deterioration to mental well-being.
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