Paper 1 Toulmin & Short Stories

Below you can see peer review, look throgh the peer review and make necessary changes.
Use MLA FORMAT AND WORK ON CONCLUSION ,AND WHATEVER PEERN REVIEWS SAYS
ALSO I ATTACHED THE STORIES THAT WERE USED IN THIS ANALYSIS
Does each paragraph of this paper logically progress from the former ones? Why or why not?

Yes it does, it has progress that informs people in the right way, conclusion should include more.
How smoothly does this paper integrate examples into its own argument? Does it clearly illustrate connections between the evidence it cites and the ideas they support, or does it merely assume them? Explain.
It has written connections, it can be more thought out and more explained.
Choose a paragraph. Make sure you tell the author which paragraph number you have chosen. Using Weston Ch. 1, rule 1 how well does the author fulfill W’s point? Focus particularly on stating the position clearly and providing clear reasons for it (rule 1). Make suggestions for improvement.
8. This does not fulfill rule number one. This needs to be the statement where you give reasons supporting thesis. Conclusion is too short and needs more information.
Analysis of passages is required for the paper, and analysis requires breaking down a quotation and using it as proof. Where do you see the author most successfully analyzing passages? What do you find most convincing in this analysis?
You need to put the quotes in parenthesis and along with explaining and analyzing them in a convincing way, using the thesis for a guide.
Looking through the requirements for the paper, which can be found below the topic itself, which requirements is the author missing? Be specific.
Missing MLA format! Along with having a conclusion that supports your thesis and makes connections. Along with this a strong clear thesis would be helpful.
At which point did you feel most interested by this piece? When least? Explain.
The first paragraph interested me by the beginning sentence and what follows it. The least interested with the conclusion.
Was there anything surprising you learned from the author or the paper? Be specific. Is there a point or an opportunity the author could develop that you think would improve the paper? Please be specific.
I think you can improve your paper a lot by making sure you put the quotes in quotations correctly, expanding your conclusion and give some back story on yourself and relate some of the information to you or a family members life.

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