PROMPT
Write a personal essay that focuses on Friendship.
This is a personal essay, so write about personal experiences; and include some insights about those experiences.
Remember to SHOW, not tell. In other words, instead of merely “telling” or generalizing, be specific (in relation to the theme).
Format and other requirements for the Final Draft:
Times New Roman typeface, size 12, single space
An essay without a listed, accurate word count will receive no credit. An essay above or below the word count will receive no credit
Word count: 750-900 words
Please use the feedback below and the attached draft file.
“Below you will find succinct feedback on every paragraph of your rough draft. Take your time when you read this feedback. Don’t rush to conclusions. Take your time — one paragraph at a time — figuring out how you can make improvements to your draft.
1. Cut out this paragraph. This is so vague that it really tells the reader nearly nothing about you specifically. This sounds like some sort of intro, but you don’t need an intro for this essay. Instead, start with a personal anecdote that SHOWS the reader what you’re trying to tell.
2. I suggest you start the essay with a detailed description of the photo. And share how you feel about the photo and the friends in it. Then you can spend the subsequent paragraphs focussing on each friend.
3. There’s some personal “information” here but no real examples, no anecdotes, no details that SHOW how you feel about your friend. Start by telling a story that SHOWS the reader how special or meaningful your friendship with Frank was. You give a fairly vague example at the end of how Frank helped, but that’s just scratching the surface: a personal anecdote should tell the reader not just what happened but HOW it happened and HOW it made you feel.
4. Same feedback as for paragraph 3. Again, a lot of generalizations. You tell the reader you shared private things with Sam but don’t SHOW it: what kind of private things? This is a personal essay: give a specific example! And then share how it felt to be able to share these kinds of things.
And remember to regularly practice the following: read your draft (and any revisions) OUT LOUD. Don’t just look at your writing, LISTEN to it! And then rewrite. That’s the process.”
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