the stat about one in five changing majors

The audience are the college board strustees
Introduction
A problem with the current system
Description of your first major feature and how it solves that problem
Justification of your first major feature
Address Counterarguments to your first major feature
Repeat the Description, Justification, Counterarguments for any other features
Conclusion
For the rough draft you will write approximately the first three to four pages – the introduction, a description of your first proposal and your support and justification for including it, and then a response to any possible counterarguments.
Your goal here is to demonstrate your ability to describe a proposal in detail and then use sources to support. You should include at least two quotes from sources in the rough draft. These sources should be properly integrated into the flow of your writing using introductory phrases. They should also include proper in-text citations and a Works Cited page. You also need to include at least one potential counterargument someone might bring against your proposal. You should acknowledge the counterargument and then refute it. The proposal part of your paper can be any number of paragraphs but make sure you use transitions at the beginning of each paragraph.
Finally, you should write one paragraph that briefly summarizes the rest of your paper that you will add for the final draft.
Everyone’s paper is going to be a little different. Some students will be addressing three problems with three solutions. Some will have one problem but have three solutions that will help solve that problem. Some might just have one problem and one very complicated solution, in which case they should try to break that complicated solution into three subtopics and just write about one for the rough draft.
I will be trying to get feedback to you quickly so you can apply it to your final draft, so please do not go significantly over the 1000 words suggested. Give me enough of the problem (one or two paragraphs) that I can see you understand how to explain and identify the problem to your audience. Then give me enough description of one part of your solution that I can make sure you are using enough detail. Then give me one counterargument and rebuttal that shows you understand how to integrate and address counterarguments. So you may have to jump around a bit rather than just writing the first 3-4 pages. Even though I am calling this your rough draft, don’t think of it so much like a first draft of your paper but instead like a chance to spot check all the major grading areas for the final draft so that you can proceed knowing there are no major mistakes or problems. Introduction with clear thesis (10 points)
Focused paragraphs and transitions (20 points)
Problem is clearly described and defended (50 points)
Solution is clearly presented and supported (50 points)
Address counterarguments (20 points)
MLA citation of at least 8 quality sources with at least four of those sources from the Parkland Library (20 points)
Quotes are used properly to support claims but most of paper is written in student’s words. In text citations are used correctly (20 points)
Conclusion (10 points)
Grammar, Spelling, Sentence Variety, etc. (30 points)
the file is what I had but the teacher didn’t approved it and here is what he says about it :
Luxene,
Attention grabber doesn’t grab me, but it does set up some helpful context. You could probably express this same idea in a slightly more interesting way. Why not start with the stat about one in five changing majors?
“According to statistics” doesn’t make sense and isn’t a good citation. Where did you get this info? You have to have a source.
“What prospects do you see for the future”? I’m not sure who “you” is in this sentence or what prospects you mean.
You use “you” in the final sentence of the intro as well. To whom are you speaking? The Board of Trustees is your audience and they already have graduated from college.
Your thesis needs to be an argument. What do you propose changing and why. It also needs to be relevant to the Board. Why should they read the rest of your paper? How will this proposal help Parkland?
Don’t use “you.” Second person is rarely used in academic writing. In this case it also doesn’t really make sense since your audience isn’t students.
Not sure what you mean by “need the study and comprehension”
In your background paragraph you could be specific about when Parkland requires one to declare a major. The Board might not actually know the rules for this.
What source are you getting these quotes from? You need in-text citations.
“the main economics engages in theatre and is directed to the arts”???
When you introduce a quote with a complete sentence, use a colon.
Some of these details are helpful but this is too much background. The Board understands how majors work. They were in college. They might not know all the details about how majors are chosen at Parkland or how students today feel about majors but they don’t need the basics explained. Get to the problems quicker. What’s wrong with the current system?
Right now this sounds like an “intro to college” guide that helps freshmen pick a major. That is certainly useful, but not at all what this assignment is supposed to be. This assignment is about you proposing major changes to the education system and explaining why they are necessary. Advice on how to pick a major does not fit the assignment. Right now you make it sound like nothing needs to change, students just need to take their time and pick the right major. If your boss asked you to come up with a proposal for improving the business and you instead made a guide, your boss would not be happy. Although the writing here is mostly clear and you have some good quotes (though no indication where you got them), it needs to also fulfill the requirements of the assignment.
Directions 16/20 You have the word count and it is about college, but not a problem/solution paper
Quotes 16/20 You have several useful quotes but no indication where you found them and no Works Cited page.
Problem 15/20 You identify some of the complexities of picking a major but don’t really describe them as something that needs to be changed. You do show that students often change majors or are unhappy, which would be problems.
Solution 12/20 I don’t see any changes to education proposed. You do suggest ways to better choose a major, but these aren’t new ideas or proposals. This is just a summary of advice you have found elsewhere rather than you creating your own proposal and defending it.
Counterargument 7/10 You bring up some of the ways people might disagree about majors but since you don’t have a proposal you are defending it is hard to create a counterargument for it.
Summary of rest of paper 0/10

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