Need native American English writer to rewrite a high school student’s personal statement for her college admission.
The rewritten personal statement should be based on the attached personal statement draft.
Use all content in the draft.
Express the same idea in the draft.
The languge in the rewritten personal statement should be like being written by a high school senior in US. No grammar or other errors
Thanks.
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Following is the draft of the personal statement:
I indistinctly remember that it was a rainy afternoon, 5 year old me was rummaging through drawers in the corners of my home, trying to find new things to pull me out of the cozy boredom. A wooden gridded board and two jars of black and white stoney pieces appeared in front of me. The patterning and artisanal appearance easily caught my eyes. I grabbed everything and rushed to my father about what that was. He was surprised to know what I was interested in since he is a huge fan of Chinese legacies. My father excitedly talked about the stories of Go and quickly taught me Gomoku, a game that is much easier to understand but uses the same equipment as Go. Little me had so much fun winning some of his “hard fought” games, which eventually attracted me to Go, a traditional Chinese board game that has four thousand years of history.
Learning Go earlier than most people made me accumulate more tactics than the opponents that I usually matched with. It gained me the upper hand in most of the matches. My heart was deceived by the sheer excitement of placing the final piece. Not long after, winning became the only thing in my mind when I played Go.
There was one game during a Go competition, when victory was so near that I was deemed to win, I let my guard down and fell into the trap that was delicately set up. After I lost the game, the opponent said contemptuously that girls are not meant to play Go, go home and play with your dolls. I was furious at the stereotype and at my carelessness that gave him the chance to make the unfair judgment. It was the first time that I left the game without observing Go etiquette, and rushed to the restroom in tears.
I could not get myself out of the humiliating failure for quite a while. I took a break from playing Go. Then one day, I just had the epiphany that I cared too much about winning games. I was suffocating in the sense of accomplishment from winning, like it would somehow prove the capabilities of myself. I totally neglected the true meaning of Go. The essence of Go is not about winning or losing, but about keeping the fine balance between the strategies of offense and defense, surrounding and breaking through, concentrating and diverging, all on a wooden gridded board. It is a game that has voyaged thousands of years, a harmonic concentration of ancestral Chinese wisdom.
Since then, I adjusted my mindset to focus more on the experience of playing Go rather than the result. As the outcome of the adjustment, my Go skill has improved significantly and my personality has become more mature. In junior high school, encouraged by my passion towards Go and my determination of spreading Go to more women, I established the Go club at school based on the principle of inclusion regardless of gender. I led the effort of recruiting members, training tactics, organizing events, designing the club logo, and most importantly, mentoring members to experience happiness not solely about winning or losing. I gained great leadership skills from managing the club, which is something hard to find in textbooks.
As of today, I have not only received many awards, but also have gained many valuable friendships from playing Go. It has taught me the resilience of being in difficult situations, and to see problems in a grander scheme of things.
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