As outlined in this week’s overview and in the reading, scene description allows the reader to interact with and visualize the narrative in compelling ways. Scene opens up the meaning of something a character does to what can be called positive ambiguity.
In life, we typically want to avoid ambiguity. If you were at work and needed to tell your supervisor to shut down the conveyor belt because a shipment’s worth of glass bottles was about to crash to the floor, you would strive for directness. Simple commands, raised volume, and emphatic gesturing would be appropriate. But in fiction, your aim for the audience is not to complete a task, but to think and to be entertained. Too much exposition tends to enforce a reading of a character or plot, which makes the audience feel as though they are hearing how to view a situation, rather than interpreting it, as scene writing might allow. That’s why we aim for positive ambiguity.
To that end, let’s look at these two versions of the same moment:
“Then, all of the sudden, she was happy for the first time in a while.”
“Then she grinned this slight half smile that uncoiled unused muscles in her face.”
After reading this week’s assigned selections from The Making of a Story, you should be able to recognize one of these sentences as scene description—or dramatization—and the other as the exposition version. In the larger context of this story, the character maybe never smiles, so the visual in the second version is a big emotional change that the reader is closer to. The first version is like hearing about an incident read back from a court transcript.
In your initial post this week, you will take the following sentences written in exposition and translate them into scene descriptions using actions, reactions, and mannerisms. So just like the bulleted example above, you will rewrite the “told” emotion into a visual, scene-based sentence. Rewrite each of the following expositional sentences, focusing on turning them into scene descriptions. Try to write at least two different versions of each sentence.
She received the news and became joyous.
Kim and Jesse walked in the city; clearly they cared for each other.
Kim and Jesse walked in the field, clearly tired of each other.
His usual air of innocence faded to apathy.
Jay didn’t know what to say.
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In your post in this discussion forum, please include each individual sentence, followed by your two rewrites. As always, submit your work by clicking the “Reply” button below and composing or pasting your sentences in a post.
Since this is only a discussion post, there are no word counts. Also, as I am a foreign student, hard words or professional writing skills should no be used in the work. Even though this is an English course, there should not be very well written literature works in here. Thanks
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